advice
10/6/2009
Always picks
the wrong guy
the wrong guy
I am one of those women who always pick the bad guy-thinking the
ones that treat me good are too good for me.
I am 38 yr old single mum-I came out of a very violent relationship
a few years ago. When I kicked him out once during our relationship
(I rang my first love) we talked for over an hour-the violent broke
into my house while we were talking and beat me really badly for
calling my ex.
Now I have an AVO and the relationship has been over for four years.
I see my first love all the time as he works near my kids school.
He trys to talk to me-I want to so bad but I can't! How do I get
past this.When I look at him I feel so much emotion the words just
don't come out.
Jodi,
This is a normal feeling. You were abused badly and your skittish of
any relationship you might have. Your afraid the same thing will
happen again.
Just remember that you were smart many women continue to take abuse
and do nothing about it. I commend you for your strength. Now you
see someone and your first love and want to talk to him but fear gets
in the way afraid of picking the wrong guy again. The fact that you
recognize is this is good. You are associating all men in the same
category as your ex. Which we both know not everyone belongs in this
category. I think the first step is to sit down and review all the
good things about your first love. why did you like him what did he
do that made you feel special. Now, think and write down how he is
different then your ex. You will probably see a difference in
behavior. Remember you deserve to have happiness. You are not damaged
forever. Men who are abusive have signs that they could be abusive.
1. Is he jealous or possessive toward you
2. Does he try to control you and boss you around
3. Does he try to make you be alone not have friends and family around
4. Is he violent or loses his temper a lot
5. Does he pressure you sexually to do things you aren't comfortable with
6. Is he on drugs or uses Algol
7. Does .he blame his emotional state on you
8. Does he hit your animals
9. Does he hit the walls or destroy personal property
10.Does he threaten to hit you or the kids.
11. Does force you sexually
Personality traits
1. intense need for love and affection
2. Low self esteem
3. drug dependence
4. back ground of physical abuse
5. difficulty expressing anger. Has a bad temper
6. fear of abandonment
7 doesn't take responsibility for own action
8 fears being out of control
Now that you see a difference between the two of you now, take it
slow. Just today I am going to talk to him. A friendship nothing
more. Don't think about dating. Think about friendship and move on
from there.
Good Luck and keep in contact with me and let me know how it goes.
You deserve to live your life free of fear. Just start out simple.
Dr.Mama Love
PS Thanks for putting me on your site. I appreciate that.
ones that treat me good are too good for me.
I am 38 yr old single mum-I came out of a very violent relationship
a few years ago. When I kicked him out once during our relationship
(I rang my first love) we talked for over an hour-the violent broke
into my house while we were talking and beat me really badly for
calling my ex.
Now I have an AVO and the relationship has been over for four years.
I see my first love all the time as he works near my kids school.
He trys to talk to me-I want to so bad but I can't! How do I get
past this.When I look at him I feel so much emotion the words just
don't come out.
Jodi,
This is a normal feeling. You were abused badly and your skittish of
any relationship you might have. Your afraid the same thing will
happen again.
Just remember that you were smart many women continue to take abuse
and do nothing about it. I commend you for your strength. Now you
see someone and your first love and want to talk to him but fear gets
in the way afraid of picking the wrong guy again. The fact that you
recognize is this is good. You are associating all men in the same
category as your ex. Which we both know not everyone belongs in this
category. I think the first step is to sit down and review all the
good things about your first love. why did you like him what did he
do that made you feel special. Now, think and write down how he is
different then your ex. You will probably see a difference in
behavior. Remember you deserve to have happiness. You are not damaged
forever. Men who are abusive have signs that they could be abusive.
1. Is he jealous or possessive toward you
2. Does he try to control you and boss you around
3. Does he try to make you be alone not have friends and family around
4. Is he violent or loses his temper a lot
5. Does he pressure you sexually to do things you aren't comfortable with
6. Is he on drugs or uses Algol
7. Does .he blame his emotional state on you
8. Does he hit your animals
9. Does he hit the walls or destroy personal property
10.Does he threaten to hit you or the kids.
11. Does force you sexually
Personality traits
1. intense need for love and affection
2. Low self esteem
3. drug dependence
4. back ground of physical abuse
5. difficulty expressing anger. Has a bad temper
6. fear of abandonment
7 doesn't take responsibility for own action
8 fears being out of control
Now that you see a difference between the two of you now, take it
slow. Just today I am going to talk to him. A friendship nothing
more. Don't think about dating. Think about friendship and move on
from there.
Good Luck and keep in contact with me and let me know how it goes.
You deserve to live your life free of fear. Just start out simple.
Dr.Mama Love
PS Thanks for putting me on your site. I appreciate that.
