Divorced, marriage ends in Divorce
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<Love Help, queen of body language,
Love. Dating and Relationship Advice
Ask Love questions
What happened to the love? What happened to our love relationship? Where did the love go? Need some love help? In order to understand why you're getting divorced you have to understand what makes a marriage last since 90% of us will marry in our life time. It is also known that we marry for love. We know that 50% of us will get divorced, 60% of second marriages and so on. We need to look at everything. We need to look at why marriages are having problems and why they are ending. Where did the love go? and how did that happen?
One of the things that make a marriage last is equability. Are we equal? Both parties bring things into the marriage and into their love life. The question is are these things equal? One person might bring an education, a high I.Q., or a good job he other person is bringing physical attractiveness, social background or gentleness. It can be basically anything as long as both consider it something that can be brought to the table. Both parties must perceive these as equal and rewarding. If they aren't equal or perceived as equal it will be impossible for the relationship to continue. What one person perceives as equal will not necessarily mean that the other person will see it as equal.
Communication is another key factor in making things work. Communication is the ability to make the other person understand how they are feeling or the ability to show the person what they want them to know and then understanding what the other person is telling you and feels. Notice I included feelings. This is an important part or the communication. Just as important as the actual words that are spoken. It must open and validate your feelings. You must be free to speak what is on your mind without feeling that you must censor everything. Expecting your partner to read your mind will not work. If there is no communication the relationship and your love will fall apart. One must listen to each other to really understand how the other feels. Both listening and talking is important.
Now we have a marriage and love that is equitable and rewarding with communication that is open and validating what happened? Why are we getting divorced? What happened to our love? We use to be so in love. I thought everything was perfect Now everything is crumbling down around me. It usually has a way of taking you by surprise. You never see it coming. Everything seemed perfect you thought you were both in love.
Two things happen when a marriage ends in divorce.
1. The situation is different and has changed even if we didn't notice. What use to be in no longer here. Something in your equability has changed even if it is only a precieved change.
2. The perception of the situation has changed "they" the other person sees differently. Why this occurs is not known. Many things in our lives change. We become older, maybe more educated, one decides they no longer needs church. The loveis no longer important to the person who perceives the change. If both parties are not willing to work on the relationship and their love it is useless to try. One party can not change things. Both have to be willing to make changes.
Things in the marriage are no longer equitable. The communication has ended or changed. Someone has changed. This does not mean the person asking for the divorce is the one who changed or hasn't changed. It only means that one has occurred. Trying to blame one person or the other is not productive so let's not play the blame game. I suggest getting some help but that doesn't always work but every one should try but if one of you says no that you are not willing to get help for your relationship and love. Know you have done everything you can and now it is time to move on.
Unless things can be made equitable again and the communication has returned the marriage will end. Love can conquer all but both parties must be willing to try to make things equitable and bring back communication. So the question is can we Marry again and not divorce? It depends on the situation and each one is different and can change. But, if you love each other you will make it equitable after all love is a decision.
Make sure that before you marry that you are both on the same page of what your goals for the future are and where you want to be later in life and tell your self that you will make the decision to love that person no matter what till death do us part. This doesn't mean that things aren't going to change but love is worth the fight. Love is out there for you. You have to keep looking for it. Your dreams of finding the perfect mate can come true. You can have that relationship. No relationship is perfect but we know that. Do not give up the battle of finding the perfect someone who is your perfect match.
