Relationship counseling and marriage couseling
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<Love Help, queen of body language,
The time has come for you to think about marriage your so in love and the relationship is going well. He or she is the love of your life! What could be the next step but marriage. Well marriage is a wonderful thing you must think about a few things before you actually make that final step to cement your love. Her our a few questions to ask yourself. Make sure you are honest about your answers because the only person that can be hurt by cheating on this is you and your future spouse!
1. Why are you getting married? Why do you want the relationship to commence to the next stage? Is it because of love? Are you pregnant? Is it for financial reason, because you are lonely or need to get away from someone? This is important because if you marry for the wrong reason it could end horribly. Always marry because of Love this is so important for your relationship if you are going for forever. It is the most important thing.
2. What do you want out of life and your love life? Where do you see your self in 10 or 20 or 30 years? Do you still see your self married? Sitll in love? It's important to have goals of where you see yourself. Look at where both of you see each other in these time frame. Are they same? Can they work with each other. If not you either need to rethink your goals or rethink your fiance.
3. What do the two of you want out of your relationship together? Do you both see yourself in the same place? This is similar to the goal one but needs to be thought in what you see as your relationship not just as an individual but as a couple. Make those future plans.
4. Are you willing to squeeze the toothpaste from the end rather then the middle because it bothers the person you love? Are there clear definite chores you expect the other person to do? sometimes there are things that people do that there is no way you can deal with. No way can I deal with someone who won't throw their garbage out right away, it just drives you crazy. I honestly think though most things you can figure out how to deal with if you love each other and want this relationship. It's all about what you are willing to do for this relationship and your love.
5. Are you willing to put the toilet seat down? Let your partner go out with friends? Can you each pursue your own interest? or do you need to be together all the time? or maybe not all the time but most of the time. Do you trust your loved one to remain faithful while they are not around you? If you don't trust the person and you think they might cheat on you then your relationship and love is going no where.
6. Are you openly affectionate or do you want things to remain private? Can you hold hands in public? Can you kiss in front of other people? Can you confess your love in front of other people? Sometimes people are very touchy about these things. Sometimes people feel that they are not loved if they are not willing to openly express themselves. Sometimes knowing how someone else feels helps us deal with it and the person won't think it is just them.
7. Do you want kids? How many and when will this occur in your marriage? Maybe you don't want kids and the other person does? What is the solution? Figure this out before you confess your undying love!
8. How important is it to remain faithful to the other person? Are you a jealous person? If one of you becomes unfaithful what will you do? Once again I mention trust because besides love it is the foundation to any relationship.
9. What was your parent’s relationship like what did you like or dislike about it? Are they people that you would like to base your relationship after?
10. How much influence will the in laws have? Will they be allowed to have an opinion in your relationship? Do they have a say? If they have an opinion that is different then yours will it change what you do? Will you stick up for your spouse if they say something negative about your partner?
11. Do you listen to each other and value what the other person says? This is important because if your not listening then you really aren't caring because it must not be important to you. If you love someone you will think that the things that the other person says are important.
12. What is your love language? you have heard all about this I know. Are you a person who needs physical contact with each other, do you need someone to give you gifts? Do you need someone to actually say the words I love you? Do you need to be brought gifts? What makes you feel loved?
13. Do you need or want a budget. What are your financial goals? Are you a spender or a saver? Do you want to retire someday? What do you want to spend your money on? Should a certain amount be put asside?
14 Who will do which chores? is it split up equally? Does one do the traditional men or women chores? This is especially important to know especially if both of you are working the same amount of hours.
15. Is going to church important? Will you go every week? only on the holidays? Will the kids be required to go? Which church will you go to? Is it important to have the same beliefs. I do think this is important because I must say I believe that you need to be on the same page here in order for things to work. If you have a strong christian and a non believer you are going to have some real issues!
16 What kind of birth control will you use after your married? The pill? a condom? There are many choices you can make. Make sure you talk to your doctor.
17. How to raise the kids. What are the values that you want to give your children. How will you raise them? seems a little soon I know but better to know now then wait for the fight during your marriage.
18. Who pays the bills. One of you need to be in charge of it otherwise everyone is going to think the other person is taking care of it and it may never get paid.
19. Two family income or one? Will one of you stay home to raise the kids? Sometimes this isn't a choice. Will the in-laws help? babysitter? or day care? I know that some of this is in the distance but discussions about everything is important.
20. If one of you get sick would you stick by the other persons side? You know its in the vows but have you ever thought about what that means? The sickness could include dementia, loss of limbs, loss of hair, overweight, Bald and all kinds of things are you willing to make that type of commitment and mean it?
There are many things that need to be thought about when you are deciding to get married but many of these will be able to be over come simply because your in love.
