Don't let your teen destroy your marriage
Teens are a wierd group. One that I feel we will never understand. We can try but the realty is we may never.
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Whether we are talking about parents who are married or divorced does not really matter. We all want to raise our children to be responsible adults. That is our ultimate goal in life, right? We want them to find a good job, maybe have a family or someone they can love and hopefully marry, be involved in the community, go to church, go to college become better then what we have done. We always want something better for our kids even if we are doing alright for ourselves.
How do we go about doing this when our society has changed so much? We have cell phones, text messages, and many more things. It is hard to keep up with it all. In order to survive we must have a united front. We must be a team like it or not that is the only way to survive those teenage years. If you do not your teen is going to eat you up and spit you out.
We need to show solidarity in what we do with our children. We need that united front. Kids need to know if they go to one parent that they will get the same answer from the other parent. If you are not careful teenagers can destroy your marriage. The only way to make sure that this does not happen is to have both of on the same page and agree with what each other says is communication. Yes, communication is one of the key ingredients. Keep talking to each other so that you each knows how the other person feels about the situations.
Many times we assume that the other person agrees with us or it does not matter. I am telling you it does matter. Before your teen has a chance to attempt to divide your united front you need to talk to your partner whom your raising your teens with. You need to discuss when your child can date, what your teens curfew will be and what you will do with bad grades. How about what to do if you suspect your teen is using drugs, what do you do if they are caught with them. There is so much to talk about. Even things like is church an option? Family dinners - are they mandatory? These might seem like simple things but they need to be discussed before the situation arises.
You and your partner are ultimately responsible for your marriage. Your teen is not responsible for a break up but they can put obstacles out there that make it difficult to over come if you.
When raising teens it is important that you spend time alone without your children. Going to dinner, to a movie, going bowling or maybe hiking or bike riding. Something you do together that is just the two of you. A week end away could also be nice but remember to make sure that you keep someone at the house watching it. Although your teen might be the perfect most responsible child sometimes things can become tempting or it could be someone else’s kid and not yours. You’ll just feel better if you know your house will be intact when you get home.
One of the most important things you need to remember when dealing with teens is that the two parents should never argue, fight, or belittle each other in front of your teens or for that matter in front of any one else. If you allow your teen to hear this it will be a sign to them that you two are not a team and they have managed to divide your front. This gives them the opportunity to place one parent against the other and while you are battling each other they will do what ever they want to.
Compromise that is something we always need to consider. Compromise in any situation is always best. It is too easy to think we should always be right. But being right isn’t what its all about it’s being able to think that both of you could be right and meet in the middle somewhere. It’s not easy because you are believing that someone else could be right too and that you aren’t the only person who is. Compromising with your co-parent or in any marriage or relationship will make for a stronger relationship.
Teens must know that when the two of you dish out a punishment when they have done something wrong that the punishment will stick. It is what we say it is going to be and will not change. They have to be able to rely on facts. If I do such and such…I will be punished in such a way.
Teens have the ability to destroy your relationship if you let them but I am also here to tell you that it can make your relationship stronger. I believe it can make it stronger because it forces you to communicate and it forces you to stand together. You are a team.
Remember if you have time for your children when they are young and their teenage years when they are older they will be around for you because you have bonded as a family and have taught them how to love and how to be there for each other. You will have taught them how to communicate with each other. Even if you are divorced if you are in good standing with each other it will teach your children that even though things didn’t work out you can forgive the past and move on. You can teach them we all make mistakes but we can still work together. You have to take the lemons and make lemon aide.
This will help you keep a united front and keep your teen under control.
