Blended Family Love advice
It doesn't matter if we are in a blended family or nuclear family what keeps the relationships together is love. But, one can always use advice in all love relationships Give the kids as much time as they need (within reason) to adjust to the new step family life. Communicate openly and honestly.Make sure that you still spend time with your children alone as well as making time for your step children. Spending time with your step children can be helpful too. It gives you a chance to get to know them. Rather than enjoying the new relationship with each other many find themselves arguing about how to discipline the kids, and neglect their marriage in order to meet the children's needs, it'll leave them feeling lonely and isolated from each other. If the new couple works on their relationship it will create a stronger family unit because spouses don't feel connected, it's harder to work as a parental team. Another problem that blended families have is trying to get along with your ex and agreeing with each other on how to how to raise your children. This problem is not surprising seeing as you had a hard time getting along while your married it’s not surprising you are having a hard time getting along with each other while you are divorced Blending two families means also deciding where your new family will live. If you and your partner can manage it, you should consider moving into a new home. This will signal a new beginning, but it also avoids one family feeling like they don’t belong or as if they have less ownership over a home. Also, the original family homes will be full of memories and experiences that the other family did not participate in, which can also lead to hurt feelings.
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Step families and blended families are the same thing. It just sounds better to say blended. In a blended family, or step family, one or both partners have been married before. One or both has lost a spouse through divorce or death, and may have children from the previous marriages. They fall in love and decide to remarry, and in turn, form a new, we are going to try and make that happen. We can do this by realizing what the challenges will be in our new relationship. One of the biggest mistakes the new couple makes is assuming that the second marriage will have the same challenges as the first.
Our first exposures to blended families were not good examples. On one extreme, we had the evil fairy tale of Cinderella with a wicked stepmother and ugly stepsisters. Then we also had the “everyone lived happily ever after” fictional family -- The Brady Bunch. But now, come on now we all know that it doesn’t quite work this way.
Approximately one-third of all children in the United States will be part of a blended family before they reach the age of 18. At first most kids will probably rebel against the situation but in the end with a lot of love and communication the relationship will work out.
Many parents are surprised when they find that their children aren’t happy but you have to remember that their dream of having both their birth parents back together has been crushed. Remember parents that your children have already been through the trauma of a divorce (and it is trauma) and have had the difficult job of trying to adjust to life with only one parent.
They have had to deal with visitation rights, leaving some of their stuff at one house and not having it another, loss of income. It is a real adjustment for them and now you are asking them to adjust again. All relationships are based on expectations. This new relationship and family life will take a lot of patience, time, understanding, communication, time alone, love and a sense of humor can always make things easier.
"The most important rule for blended families is that parents DO NOT disagree with each other in front of the children. When the two of you have a conflict it should be discussed behind closed doors. Never in front of other people. Remember the united front we talked about.
It is very tempting to stand up for your own child and point a finger at the step child. It is equally tempting to accuse your spouse of unbalanced discipline or playing favorites towards one child. Do not allow yourself to be guilty of the same. "Remember, the children are all of a sudden thrown together with people that they don’t know that well and suddenly now they feel they have to fight for their parent's attention.”
Children try to divide and conquer parents...blended children are really good at this. They will chew you up and spit you out if you let them. It's much easier for children of blended families to play their parents against each other...expect it. Each parent has a stronger relationship with their own child than their spouse. If you don't have a plan for handling your children...you will lose. Remember your children will be gone eventually and that will just leave you and your new husband.
The kids do not have a say in the rules of the house. It is a dictatorship not a democracy. You and your spouse privately set the rules the same for all kids...bed time, telephone, eating, chores, allowances, toys, cleaning, dating, homework...all of it. You and your spouse privately agree that you will never go against what each other says in front of any of the kids. If you have to work out an adjustment or exception to the rules, do it in private and have a darn good reason.
Having a family meal where every one gathers around the table to eat and talk is a perfect way to bring everyone together. Family vacations help to because they have nothing else but what you are doing together. a movie together, have a game night. The key to building bonds in a blended family is to make sure that the kids feel loved by both parents and have a strong relationship with your mate.
