1. A Fathers Mistake
A father was very anxious to marry off his daughter so he wanted tried impress her first date. "Do you like to screw?" he asks.
"Huh?!" replied the surprised young man.
"My daughter, she loves to screw and she's very good at it. You and she should go screw." carefully explained the father.
Now very interested, the boy replied, "Yes, sir!" Minutes later the girl came down the stairs, kissed her father goodbye and the couple left.
After only a few minutes she reappeared, furious, dress torn, hair a mess and screamed, "Dammit, Daddy, get it right, it's the TWIST!"
2. Adam And God Make a Deal
After God had created Adam he noticed that he looked very lonely. He decided to help.
He said "Adam, I've decided to make you a woman. She'll love you, cook for you, be sweet to you, and understand you."
Adam said "Great! How much will she cost me?"
The answer came back, "An arm and a leg."
"Well," said Adam "what can I get for a rib?"
3. Women Joke about Men
How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
Both of them.
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They won't stop to ask directions.
Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
4. Boyfriend leaves
What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door
5. Ask For Directions
The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions
6. Difference Between Man and Women
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
7. Why God?
Man says to God: 'God, why did you make woman so beautiful?', God says: 'So you would love her.', 'But God,' the man says, 'why did you make her so dumb?', God says: 'So she would love you
8. Whats the Difference
What's the difference between a pregnant lady and a light bulb ? You can unscrew a light bulb
9. More Dangerous
Women are like roads. The more curves they have, the more dangerous they are
10. Won the Lottery
A man askes his wife "what would you do if I won the lotto?"
Wife says " take half and leave your ass!"
The man says "great, I won 12 bucks, here is six, now get OUT!"
11. Knock Knock Joke Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Alva!
Alva who?
Alva heart!
12. Lawyer Joke
| Husbands, I am Still a Virgin |
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?" |
